I'm a Hot Mess.

Everything happening to me is seemingly out to teach me a life lesson.

To make me stronger.

To show me my strength.

To make me cry and smile and just appreciate all the blessings I've been given.

Post after post about not being ready for my Charlie to start Kindergarten must be getting

old to you guys, my faithful readers, but I'm living it and man, it's not easy. 

Pair that with my little Ella getting operated on tomorrow morning and there isn't much anyone can

do to dry the tears. I'm an emotional mess and the slightest thing will set me off. 

Take today, for example.

I spent a good part of my day helping to clean my little man's future kindergarten classroom. 

Disinfecting the desks that would soon be his, arranging the books that he would learn to read this year,

washing the toys and stuffed animals he would play with...

I thought I was on a roll when all of this was accomplished with not a tear or sniffle in sight.

So, I bravely, with list of necessary supplies from his teachers in hand, made my way to

the back-to-school section at Target.

Rows of Crayola crayons, unsharpened pencils, reams of paper begging to be filled with drawings

and words, new pens and lunchboxes... It all made me so nostalgic for when I was 5,

when I was excited for the beginning of September for the start of school.

The Lists

As I was checking off item after item on the list, I found myself tearing up.

24 Crayons. Check. Weep.

12 Colored Pencils. Check. Tear.

2 large erasers. Check. Sniffle.

Get the picture?

I apologize to the teenagers in the paper aisle who surely found me very strange to

be crying over my dry erase board and weeping into my 2-inch 3 ring binder.

As you read this, I am likely crying again as Ella is in surgery and I am

waiting with baited breath for the surgeon to come out and tell me that everything

went beautifully and that I can come in and hold my beautiful girl.

That's the beauty of a scheduled post.