My 31st...

I turned 31 on the 19th.

31

I just don't know how I got here and still don't feel like an adult.

I feel like a kid trying to be an adult most of the time.

Like I'm running to try to catch up to all the other grown-ups

but they're always 10 steps ahead of me and I can't catch my breath.

Like my house will never look like those beautiful rooms in the Pottery Barn magazine,

at least one of my kids will always have an all-out tantrum inclusive of at least 3 I hate you's

right when I'm trying to look like the mom who has it all pulled together,

like I will never have a home cooked dinner on the table every single night of the week...

like I still forget every year to pay my tags on time and now am stuck without a

driver's license because I'm a putz and didn't take care of renewing it in time

for it's expiration on my birthday.

Like my pile of laundry in the corner of the hallway will be there for the rest of my life.

I used to get really weighed down by these things that I might never be...

This year has been quite a ride.

I've learned to see beauty in the little things. I've learned that no matter how

crappy your surroundings and circumstances are, they are not nearly

as important as the people in your life that you love and who love you back, unconditionally.

I've learned that it's ok to not be all those things that I feel like I fall short on being.

I'm a good person. I try to be kind and loving. I try to give when I can and

I try to make those around me feel loved and important.

I've learned that that's what matters most.

Perfect rooms and laundry-less hallways can kiss my ass...

I've got 3 lively and lovely kids, yes-- who scream every now and then,

but they matter most right now and my house will stay perfectly clean

when they're grown and gone...

Most of all though, the most important thing that 

I've learned this year is that leaning on God can

get you through just about anything.

Because of work, my birthday came and went before I could blink.

I didn't even get a chance to blow out a single candle.

To my surprise, I was disappointed about that.

When I realized how much I used to love being sung to and

making a wish only I could know, a sweet hope buried deep in my heart,

as childish as that may be, I put a candle on one of Eric's

fancy Nancy snack cakes and made my wish.

Here's to more growth and lots of happiness in the new year...

maybe I'll finally start to feel like an adult.